If I’m being honest

I’m still fighting to be a better me, but I’m letting God take most of the load.

As I sit in peace and slowly smile again, my life begins to fall back to the ground in one piece again.

For the last couple of days, I felt like I was an ocean apart from my thoughts and feelings.

And I had to stop and pray and reflect and pray more.

When it was all said and done, I felt not alone and wrapped in God’s love and presence.

And no doubt or desperation was eating at my soul.

I knew what I needed to do, and in that moment, was to trust my Savior and see this month of October would be a good one full of hope and growth.

Written By: Deirdre Stokes Copyrighted ©️ 2023 By Deirdre Stokes


I know

Sometimes, we’re both right, and sometimes, we’re both wrong.

And it’s not always about being right or wrong

Sometimes, it’s just about being connected again that makes our differences not so challenging to deal with.

Only time will tell how much the trials of life we will go through to find our way on our own.

It’s like everyone else has already pulled away, but you stand by my side like a true friend.

So only time will tell how much longer we have each other back, but I know I won’t be counting down to the end, for life is too short not to take the risk of a friendship that feels true.

Written By: Deirdre Stokes Copyrighted ©️ 2023 By Deirdre Stokes


My mind

It is full of thoughts and words, but for who?

And how do I get them out even though the feeling fills me?

I want to spill my guts, but the words aren’t even forming a sentence; just that I need to get it out.

Or the happiness and uncertainty could swallow me whole, and I don’t know what to do it does?

I should wait for God to help me lay it out for that person.

And right now, I feel your arms around me as peace comes over me, and I get ready to relax for the night, for it has been a long day.

Written By: Deirdre Stokes Copyrighted ©️ 2023 By Deirdre Stokes


When it storms

It pours and the rain is coming down

And I feel like I am being pulled in many directions as the wind blows left than right.

I don’t know how to feel as everything falls upon me.

And the branch knocks me out, and the life I fell into is the one I’ve been searching for, but now what?

Do I get to keep this life that feels so good and positive, a life that is full for me and everyone around me?

All those things that used to stop me in my tracks are gone, and now the storms don’t bother me anymore.

As I walk into this world, knowing myself and loving myself is my truth.

And when the doubt or harsh words of others are thrown at me.

I smile, for I know where they used to be, and one day, they might be where I am if they just let go and embrace the unknown.

Written By: Deirdre Stokes Copyrighted ©️ 2023 By Deirdre Stokes



Can be light and so freeing

Like the breeze of air flowing into your life, like a lovely day in the fall, sometimes life can seem so dark, like the night.

You told me to keep quiet for who knows what’s lurking in the shadows.

But my voice is like a bird. Sometimes, it can’t be silent to protect those who play the victim card all the time out of fear of being turned in because they’re always looking for a way to blame others for the problems they don’t want to face.

To be silent again feels like being that little girl who had a voice but was too afraid to speak up for fear of others turning on her.

But I’m not that little girl anymore, and I won’t go back to the past where her voice didn’t matter.

For I know her voice matters and so does mine.

So, where do we go if we can’t say what needs to be told in this place anymore?

Written By: Deirdre Stokes Copyrighted ©️ 2023 By Deirdre Stokes


I don’t

Want to wait around for something to happen.

I’m tired of feeling like I’m the only one they can relay on.

When do I get my break?

Before I break down and become useless, too?

I can’t trust you anymore, for lies pour out your mouth like a waterfall.

Leaving me angry and annoyed

But who am I to complain when I’ve known for a while who you are and what you do!

So here I am, tossing and turning, but sleep will not come, and yet again, a long night awaits me.

To dislike you is my truth because hate is a strong word, and you are not strong enough to deserve it.

One day, I won’t look back and wonder whatever happened to you, for I’m sure you will still be playing the same games as before I left.

Written By: Deirdre Stokes Copyrighted ©️ 2023 By Deirdre Stokes


Oh god

Why have I been fighting you on what to do?

Because I tried it my way, and I burned out

All that was around me was darkness, and yet I still stumbled around like a fool.

Only to see when I came out, you were there with light to guide me in a new way.

And yet, I stubbornly still tried to do it my way.

Only to end up not doing much of anything

And then the light bulb went off, and I realized the things I could do were because they were what you needed me to do.

The only way I could overcome this hurdle was to let you guide me.

So here I am doing what feels right and what you want, and now it’s what I wish for, too. And this way, I will get it all, but only when you say it is due.

Written By: Deirdre Stokes Copyrighted ©️ 2023 By Deirdre Stokes


I never

Thought starting over would feel this way

I was off to a great start, and then I got stuck

In the mud called struggles and uncertainty, and here I still am.

I am unsure how to move forward as I sit here wanting more, but I am unsure how to get it anymore.

The drive isn’t as strong, and my life feels like living.

There’s no reason to push myself to keep learning and growing.

Even though those are things I want to do

Are there things I need to do right now?

I don’t know anymore, so my mind is running in circles, trying to figure out what I’ve been up to these last couple of years and whether I will ever make another move this year.

As the mud quickly turns into quicksand, I feel I’ll sink before I figure this out.

Written By: Deirdre Stokes Copyrighted ©️ 2023 By Deirdre Stokes


The storm

Arrived again, and the lighting and thunder came along too.

And inside, I was safe as the lighting lit up the sky.

And all I could think of was where we’re you as the rain poured down and the low rumble of the thunder could be heard.

And then, like the lightning, my phone lit up, and there you were saying you were safe and sound.

As my heart calmed, so did the storm, and soon all was well again.

Written By: Deirdre Stokes Copyrighted ©️ 2023 By Deirdre Stokes


Like the storm

Raging outside I want to be someone you remember.

I want to step into your life like a storm that blows out all the things you thought you knew.

I want to brighten up all the darkness and anger in your life.

I want you to smile and embrace me as I deliver you from the hell you grew used to.

And I want to walk you into a life that feels like heaven, and sometimes it will rain, but letting it all out is the only way to survive this life I see us in.

So please give me a chance, and I promise I won’t hurt you, and when I give up, you will know I gave my all, for it is not easy for me to wave my white flag.

Written By: Deirdre Stokes Copyrighted ©️ 2023 By Deirdre Stokes