Tag: tired

Poetry

Seconds before

mywords2228

I knew it was all going down hill because it’s like no matter how hard you worked to do what needed to be done.

There was always a mess on the other side and there is always someone else who is not satisfied.

So much going on that I just can’t take it anymore and for someone to just assume I would go along with whatever it is going on.

Just pisses me off the truth is I don’t care anymore.

I’ve fought hard and now I’m burnt out and I’m done complaining and I’m done trying to save their ass.

When they just throw mine under the bus because they can’t seem to do what needs to be done.

My eyes are open and so are my ears but there is not much more I can do other than walk way and forget all that I know.

Written By: Deirdre Stokes
Copyright ©️ 2019 By Deirdre Stokes

Poetry

Long days

mywords2228

and short nights as you feel like you walked out your door far too long ago.

You ache all over and you know you have to go back tomorrow.

Yet, all you want to do is go back to bed and sleep the morning away.

You hit your alarm off but don’t even attempt to get up.

But at last you check the time again and you know you don’t want to be late.

And thank god it’s Friday because you don’t want to have to do this all over again.

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes
Copyright ©️ 2019 By Deirdre Stokes

Poetry

Let’s go

mywords2228

bicycle

Image by Cyranny

for a ride one last time before the weather gets too hot again and being outside for too long will be so unbearable.

I want to get lost in time and just ride around and find new things to explore and to take pictures of all the beauty around me with no care in the world about what is to come next in this life that is given to me.

All I know is I am grateful for the things I have and hopefully that everything thing else will just workout and I can keep going forward with nothing but hope on my side.

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes
Copyright ©️ 2019 By Deirdre Stokes

One last time!

Poetry

What am

mywords2228

I to say when your words have turned the warmth inside of me into ice.

It’s hard for me sometimes to see the light in the day when all I hear is the words of someone who doesn’t see the real problem in this situation.

So many complaints and suffering  going all around and yet no one sees the truth is right in front of them.

There is not just one reason the place is falling apart but there have become more cracks and those cracks are not getting smaller but are getting wider  and wider as the days go on.

I don’t hold on to anything these days and I can’t be mad at your words or care about the drama you want to bring for my head and my heart are already out the door.

I am physically in the building but mentally I have checked out and I am just moving to the beat of the robot I have become to get the job done.

But who I am and what I want to be is not here and the minutes and days are counting down until I too can be free physically from this place that tries so many times to steal what makes me, me and at the end of the day it’s I who has to answer to the call of being stressed out about whatever it is they want.

To be their puppet and robot is truly taking a toll on me and I hope just one day things will change for the better as soon as I find the break I need to escape and walk way from something that never really needed to be in my life this long.

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes
Copyright ©️ 2019 By Deirdre Stokes

Poetry

It’s time

mywords2228

thought-catalog-214785-unsplashPhoto by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

to stop writing and starting getting up.

Packing those bags and booking that fight.

For tomorrow is not something you can plan out because in a blink of the eye tomorrow can be pulled away from you.

So I will plan out how to get there but once their it’s time to plan less and explore so much for the hope of coming back is way more harder later than it will be right now.

Days and weeks roll into each other and things are just brushed under the bridge and you just don’t know what to do at the end of the day and you just don’t know if you are doing it right at the end of the day.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

Copyright ©️ 2015 By Deirdre Stokes

Poetry

Do

mywords2228

75408B97-EBAB-417A-9612-F611AB47D697

Photo by RAMESHKUMAR R on Unsplash

you see me now

the beauty that blinded you that day

or do you see the girl who once so full of energy

Now so drained of energy that she looks like death is near.

When will you see the hurt that I’ve be harboring inside of me for too long it seems now.

When will it be a good time to tell you how I feel and if I do will you even listen to me or grow bored with my sad life.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

image

Poetry

I don’t

mywords2228

Know if I’ll truly be able to just open up just let you in.

For, yet again I choose to be alone for I can’t seem to face that this is what I wanted in the first place.

I realize there is so much more but, my head just needs quite as the last couple of days has been rough sand I could really just use the space.

Trying to find something to do other than being in this space that feels a little crowded.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stoke

image

Poetry

Sometimes

mywords2228

I want to forget about all that is going on around me. 

I’m tired of fixing other people problems but not having time to live my life. 

I’m drowning in work and being praised for working overtime like my ability to function isn’t important anymore. 

Also long as they can count on me and use me up until there is nothing left of me to spare.

To forget just for one day that this isn’t where I’m suppose to be and just let me be in a space that feels like heaven and not hell. 

Nothing but peaceful feelings all around for not just me to enjoy but those around me too. 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

image

Poetry

Am I

mywords2228

Going to be the reason I am defeated.

Am I my worst enemy right now as the battle to survive seems harder than before.

Am I the reason it’s hard for me to breathe right now.

Am I the reason I’m so tired right now did I drain myself of all the energy I so needed.

It feels like it’s been a long day and maybe it has been.

But, this drain feels different from what I’ve felt before.

I just hope some rest helps because I’m completely wore out right now, my arms are so sore.

My eyes want to just close and go in a nice deep sleep and  only wake up when I’m truly refreshed.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

image

Poetry

Locked

mywords2228

up in a space where all my happiness is locked behind another door and all the creativity is locked behind another door.

This space I am is nothing but dark and the answers to when will everything great come back is just echoing around me but there is no hope I’ll get the answer soon.

My words are gone and maybe they will be forgotten too because I can’t seem to get out of this place.

I want to fight to get to the place that the sun will shine down on me and I will be at peace but, sometimes all the good has to go way and I have to sit in the dark to realize all that I stand for.

Because, I am something worth fighting for and even though things are not looking up that is not a reason to give up.

The step that I am on now is rest and to stop over giving what you do not have left to give.

I am on empty and there is not much more I can offer out to those who have taken it all because no one else is as willing or able to give so much.

I am not moving forward at the moment for I am resting and I am centering myself back to who I was before and maybe I will have become so much more when this process is done and over.

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

image

 

Poetry

Building

mywords2228

up is the pressure and as it rises up inside of me I don’t know if the frustration will come out slowly or fast and quick like lightning.

And  the amount of damage that will be done just seem like I won’t have any control over it.

I just have to let it out now and just breathe through it because this one is going to be rough and really hard on me but, I know that I will get through it.

Long days and long nights when do I rest and not stress over things that I have no control over, do I continue to care or do I just let it all go because I can’t carry them and myself through this chaos.

Everything blends into each other that I can’t remember what happened the day before or the day after.

When it’s all said and done will the balance be restored or will this bridge be completely burned at the end of this story.

Will this be an experience that will haunt me for the rest of my life?

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

image

Poetry

What a day

mywords2228

miguel-bruna-672340-unsplash

Photo By Miguel Bruna via Unsplash

 

Like this path I didn’t feel like this day would ever end.

My hope for some peace and quite was not going to happen at least not today and I felt like as the day went on that I was losing my mind and no matter how hard I try things were not going to end well for me.

I don’t know why I expect more when I know the no relief is going to come for me and as my happy voice fades and the voice of defeat set in.

I don’t know how or why I put myself through this everyday and every week when I feel like there is no recovery for me and my mind is losing it’s focus and  I can’t remember what happened yesterday anymore and even though my memory is still sharp for long-term things.

My short-term memory is falling apart like everything else around me and yes I want to care and deal with it all but, sometimes I just want to be left alone and not have to answer to this crap.

I’m praying and hoping that things will charge for how much longer do I have to stand here and fight a battle that just feels like it’s not mine to fight but I am doing all the heavy lifting because they are too lazy to help out.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

image

Poetry

I was

mywords2228

told to give up on my pipe dreams and just live the life I have now.

That it didn’t matter that I was miserable because at least I had a job and money and that should be enough for me.

But, the truth is I could care less about the money because my body is overworked.

And my soul dies a little more each time I think of work or at work.

I sit here staring at nothing because I’m too tired to move and the things that I used to enjoy now  I don’t have time to care about.

I could reach out and talk to you but, I just  want quiet and soon I am all alone.

And that doesn’t bother me anymore for it’s the only time I truly feel peace and comfort.

I know I’m missing out on so much but I don’t have the fight left in me to fight to be apart of those things anymore.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

image

 

 

 

 

Poetry

You

mywords2228

had so much to look forward too and maybe you had it all planned out.

But, the day you prepared to walk across that stage felt like the day you had been waiting for.

You were excited and just extreme ready for this day to hurry up for you were just so ready to get it over with.

Soon it ended and the next day was a new journey for you and one that would go in a direction you never thought it would.

The struggle that became your life was overwhelming and not ending anytime soon.

You tried it all to just keep yourself together during this difficult and dark time, It was long and then the light truly shined down on you and things started to look up for you.

But, you became so busy that the little things in life seem not to be as important to you or you just didn’t have the time to enjoy them.

You wanted so bad to just have a moment of peace because you were tired of it all and no matter the little time you got off the state of your mind and body and soul were already ruined and damaged.

You still try to fix the damage that has been done because you just want to be at peace again and to just feel happy for more than two days at a time.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

image

Poetry

A little lost

mywords2228

for words these days when everything starts to feel like it’s blending all together and you just aren’t spending your time wisely.

You feel like you want to do much more with what you have been offered but, because of the situation life seems to be going in you just don’t get to enjoy it as much.

You want to say more but, you’re so far from feeling like yourself that nothing seems to be helping you get out of this place where you are stuck.

Feeling like you have lost your way and this life you seem to not enjoy so much isn’t helping you find yourself or helping do much at all but feel empty at the end of the day.

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

image