Tag: truth

Poetry

Lost

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and right now there is no hope in finding what was once me. 

Being pulled in so many directions I just can’t keep up anymore.

They  want so much from me but, if I ask something it’s like I’m the one being ungrateful.

How much longer do I have to walk around feeling like a zombie 

moments of my day just slipping by me that I can’t keep track of the time that seems to be going by so much faster than I thought. 

I don’t know who or what is coming at me first and as I try to keep up 

I fall flat on my back and as I lie down, I don’t want to even think or want to get back up. 

Lost to what I love and lost to those that love me is there any hope at this point. 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Poetry

Searching

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for the words that need to be said. 

But, my mouth just won’t open up 

so that I can tell you the truth. 

I’m tired of holding and hiding it inside anymore 

I feel like the unknown is here and I just can’t make sense of what is going on. 

I want to say something but, I just don’t want to step out of line for I need to have a back up plan incase this all goes south. 

I don’t know who or what you thought you were but, today I’m done being silent and trying to play along with you. 

Putting my foot down and just allowing myself to accept that I am not an easy target and I won’t be pushed over and ignored any longer. 

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Poetry

Frozen

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in this spot.

Not just any spot

the same spot I get lost in everyday.

I try to shake myself from this hold on me

but, each day it keeps grabbing me harder and longer.

I don’t want to be stuck in this space for much  longer for it feels like

everything that once was so bright is so dull and unwanted now.

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Poetry

It’s

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Been so long since I’ve truly felt this much joy inside of me.

I know there is so much to be happy for but, there is always this voice in the back of my head saying something is missing.

Yet, I don’t go running around looking for this thing or person.

For I wouldn’t know where to look for I’ve looked inside me for clues and I have come up empty-handed.

maybe one day out of the blue it will appear in front of me and the puzzle of who I am will be complete.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Poetry

I know

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that things are different with you as I look into my reflection and see someone else staring back at me.

This woman has a sadness around her that I just don’t know how she could hide it so well everyday.

That smile that comes out and shines so bright that it blinds everyone so that they won’t look close enough to see the real her.

I know that she has true moments of happiness and joy and fun and she loves the life she lives.

But, she has a darkness that follows her around just waiting for her to let her guard down and it always strikes when she is the most relax and happy.

It knows that she can and will get through the struggle it throws at her but, it also knows that if she doesn’t trip over life sometimes she won’t appreciate the little things that fall into her lap.

So, I know she doesn’t see who she truly is right now but I know that soon hopefully she will see who she is supposed to be and run as hard as she can to become that woman and once accomplished.

I hope she not ever let her go for her future will be so much better and bright with her by her side.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Poetry

I used to

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be like the sun so full of bright light all the time and things were peaceful and silly and nothing really got to me.

Then I became like daylight saving and those moments that were so bright became so much darker and the light was seen so much more less.

Yet, there I was sitting in the same spot feeling so differently as if I was a cup full of goodness and now I was an empty cup and nothing good was left of me.

I was a favorite and now I’m not something that is old and has always been around and well no more useful to you then a book for who reads anymore.

I was like Christmas when you were young and the excitement was so big that you just couldn’t contain it anymore and so you woke up so early so hoping there was something more under the tree.

Now holiday days aren’t that fun to you for well you still have to work and you just don’t have the time or energy to do much.

So when you look back at what I used to be and do for you, your were grateful for those times and now you just don’t have the same hope you once had in me.

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Poetry

Words

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come and go from your lips.

And lately I just don’t want to listen anymore

I just want to run away and not take on this responsibility.

I know I will be eaten alive soon by your ways for I’m the prey and you’re the shark coming to take what is not yours to have.

No regret will be on your mind as you turn and tear down all that I have built so far.

I don’t know how many more of your attacks I can take for the pretending to be okay is feels like a losing battle now.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Poetry

I feel

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arthur-savary-738416-unsplashPhoto by Arthur Savary on Unsplash

 

so discouraged about the things I want or need in my life right now. 

Decisions seem so much harder for me to make right now and I just don’t have the time to be taking my time to decide what to do. 

I want to hurry up and do the right thing but, life seems to not be going my way and I want to scream. 

But, even that seems like it would take up to much of my time and so I’ll sit here and be defeated and feel like I have failed myself. 

But, the truth is I don’t have the energy to fight right now and I just need this time to get my self together and maybe than things will start to look up for me. 

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Poetry

Look

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ryan-jacobson-737403-unsplashPhoto by Ryan Jacobson on Unsplash

 

I’m not in the best of moods today and this look is all the warning you need. 

I’m clasping on to my jacket as I try to hold in the anger of this day to myself. 

You see I used to care a lot about things and people in my life but, all they showed me was I was important enough for them to make time for me. 

I stop trying to relay on others and just started to relay on myself for at the end of the day that all I really have. 

This world is a big place and I’m surrounded by so many people every day yet I’m sure no one really pays much attention to me anyways. 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Poetry

I tried

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to let go and just drop the ball and make the question their confidence in me but the truth is nothing I do changing their mind.

And here I am again trying to do things for me and not for someone else.

I must  be focus but, there are times when I’m just tired and lately the once energized bunny is now wore out and just moving by slowly.

I stop more now and take the time to enjoy little things because at the end of the day my mind can’t really recall much of what happened the day before.

I know that I have to keep moving and so much is put on me and I have to figure out what will look the best for me and in the end I have to trust myself.

This forest I’m trying to break through to once again see the open space where the air is so clean that I could stay there forever.

If only my dreams weren’t so lost maybe I would give more and do more.

 

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Poetry

Am I

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Going to be the reason I am defeated.

Am I my worst enemy right now as the battle to survive seems harder than before.

Am I the reason it’s hard for me to breathe right now.

Am I the reason I’m so tired right now did I drain myself of all the energy I so needed.

It feels like it’s been a long day and maybe it has been.

But, this drain feels different from what I’ve felt before.

I just hope some rest helps because I’m completely wore out right now, my arms are so sore.

My eyes want to just close and go in a nice deep sleep and  only wake up when I’m truly refreshed.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Poetry

Did

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I ignore it when everything was bright and seeing the truth was so clear for me.

Now all I can see is bits and pieces of light as I go through my day and week.

Did I lead myself into this tunnel of darkness and will I be able to get myself out of this or will they be right that there is no kindness when it comes to me.

I am the darkness in your night and the nightmare in your dreams and even when you are up you can still feel me.

Hear my dark words whispering to you as you just begin to smile I take that happiness away from you and steal your joy without a blink of the eye.

I find joy in your misery because it makes me feel so strong that you thought you could out run me.

My name is what you wish you knew so that you could get away from me and erase me from you mind and you want to stand strong at the end of this battle.

But, I truly don’t want to leave for I like weakening you and taking all that you have and hoping one day you will be completely mine.

I’ll let you keep guessing who I am but, the truth is I don’t want to tell you and give you that power over me.

 

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Poetry

Do I

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really want to know the outcome of the situation that is happening around me right now.

Do I really want to get involved at the time or do I just want to keep the peace and stay out of it.

I don’t want to feel their pain or deal with their drama for I just want to be right now.

Not in the spot light but not completely in the dark either, but at the same time do I really need to know the truth behind it all.

I want to be surrounded by light and not let any of the darkness in today, I want to rest and not keep fighting off my problems and their problems too.

When will the rest come for me, oh I hope soon for I’m getting too tired to keep fighting these battles for so long.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Poetry

Am I

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only as great as you make me lord.

I don’t tend to stick out for I am not sure I’m ready for all the attention lord.

I like the peace of not being someone everyone is looking too for answers and when everything is not calm.

To be thankful that you always here for me and when I feel like too much is being pushed on me your always there to take some of the burden off of me.

Putting you first is the best thing I can do in my life for you guide the way for me and when I come to you everything seems less stressful than if I relay only on myself.

Today will be a great day because you will be by my side every step of the way and I know nothing that will or can happen is too much for us to handle together.

My mind is clear and I take this time to just enjoy the little things in life that you have blessed me with and everything else will come when the time is right.

To you I say thanks for today is possible because of you.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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Poetry

Storm

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Photo by Warren Wong on Unsplash

 

You can come into my life and try to destroy everything that you think matters the most to me.

But, the truth is the light that burns inside of me would not fade even when you think you have taken it all from me and I’m about to fall.

I will jump back up and grab on to the last thing you thought wouldn’t help me and I will build everything back up and make them ten times stronger than before.

So the next time you come around with your evil smile and laugh that haunts me some nights.

I will be prepared and ready to out shine you this time for you didn’t break me you just built me up to know that I am not as fragile as I once thought I was.

I can’t with stand whatever you throw my way and I will slap away the things that try to trick me and lock out the things that want in only to destroy everything they see me look at.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

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