Tag: tired

Poetry

No more

mywords2228
Photo by Vie Studio: https://www.pexels.com/photo/the-phrase-no-more-fear-on-a-sheet-of-fabric-7005329/

Fear is what I tell myself as I prepare to go live in my Facebook group to promote my journey as a confidence coach on April 24 at 11 am. Hopefully, a good Wednesday it will be.

But the truth is I’m shaking with fear because the fear of public speaking is strong.

And even though I’m preparing and trying not to freak I’m only human.

But I got through the words I wanted to say and had to keep breathing slowly through my nose to calm myself down.

I know I can’t give up and not show up, for this is what I’m meant to do. Use my voice any way god needs me to.

And yes, it’s hard to get out of my comfort zone, but I’ve done it before I can do it again.

No more fear as I sit behind a screen, ready to spread my winds and words for the first time in a long time. I’m doing something new, not just for me but for the women watching and seeing the replay.

I’m calm now, and I hope this change will be a stepping stone to continue conquering each journey that God has come my way.

Written By: Deirdre Stokes Copyrighted ©️ 2024 By Deirdre Stokes

Poetry

I am not

mywords2228

Photo by Ozan Çulha: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-standing-in-park-14692123/

Sad that I have to walk away

I am sad because the last straw was your words about how you see me.

After all these years, you still don’t get me, and I’m tired of explaining myself.

I’d rather you not understand and me not care than to care, and you still not understand even though I’ve made myself clear.

I won’t fight or entertain anymore, but I know I won’t explain either.

It might be harsh, but I don’t have the time to keep being sad or feel like you’re cutting me this day and that day and taking it as if it doesn’t hurt.

I am here for myself and stand for who I am now and before. And if you don’t get that, you won’t accept my change and growth, but I am not sure I can help anymore.

I am now at peace, and I have closed that door, and no matter how hard you knock, I know my worth, and you may say I’m too sensitive, but sometimes you know when it’s time to walk away.

Written By: Deirdre Stokes Copyrighted ©️ 2024 By Deirdre Stokes

Poetry

Writing down

mywords2228
https://www.pexels.com/photo/person-holding-white-ceramci-be-happy-painted-mug-851213/

My thoughts and letting them go have been easy these days.

It’s as easy as letting go of people in my life.

As I get older, I don’t feel the desperate need to keep people around who aren’t treating me right.

Like I used to because finding and keeping friends was hard enough as a shy person.

But I, too, deserve to feel understood and heard, and so do they, but sometimes in life, there are shells too hard to break, and you have to let them be by themselves for your mental health.

As I write and the sorrow goes away, I know I will always be polite to them, but trust and believe these walls aren’t coming back for them.

Sometimes, I guess the people who will rock with me for thick and thin are still out there, and I won’t give up on finding them since I know my worth and what I deserve now.

Written By: Deirdre Stokes Copyrighted ©️ 2024 By Deirdre Stokes

Poetry

I’m trying

mywords2228

To not fade back into the background

As I push forward for a change like nothing I’ve ever done before.

And I realize I’ve lost my way, and my words are gone like yesterday.

But here I am, fighting the battle of who I am, creative every day.

And frankly, it’s tiring, but my soul craves the words and the desire to share even more.

But who am I kidding, for the hope of coming back stronger than before is tempting but most likely impossible.

Because even as a writer, I am different, and as one voice seems to grow, the other is holding on for dear life, and no matter how many little chances I get, I can’t come back like I was before.

And maybe only time will tell, and perhaps I’m overthinking it, but voice if you hear me come home because winter is leaving and spring is going to be so bright, and you and I deserve to write into the night until we feel right again.

Written By: Deirdre Stokes Copyrighted ©️ 2024 By Deirdre Stokes

Poetry

Oh how

mywords2228
Author: unknown

I wish I could be laughing

Like her today

So carefree and happy

As she moves to the beat of the music

The colors are so lively, like her, the very spirit of women with a live purpose.

To be deep in her culture and the joy of moving to the beat of life and joy so much that you are so full of happiness you can’t but share it.

Written By: Deirdre Stokes Copyrighted ©️ 2024 By Deirdre Stokes

Poetry

So much

mywords2228
Photo by Michaela S.: https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-cup-of-coffee-sits-on-a-tray-next-to-a-book-20602820/

To do but where do I start?

Well, maybe getting out of bed would be a good start

Then maybe taking a walk and then eating breakfast

Ahh, now I’m doing it

But what next

For I don’t feel like doing it all now that I’m fed, maybe I’ll go back to bed.

And cuddle up in the sheets and watch a movie instead.

I know I have so much I could be doing, but why am I stressing so hard when my body says rest instead?

Oh, how the hype of getting ahead is intense, but sometimes I wonder why I can’t just be satisfied with what I already have instead of trying to be more.

But the truth is it’s not me who is in control, and sometimes I want to disobey for living in my comfort zone feels right to me.

Even though I know if I don’t do something, I know I will regret it for you see I’m meant for so much more.

But sometimes, the need to continue to juggle it all is well becoming like a second job, and maybe I don’t realize that is what I signed up for, and now the time I have to relax and so much less, but I’m alive and so why am I still complaining.

Instead, I should be doing what I signed up for in the first place, and when it’s all said and done, maybe then I can tell if it was worth it.

Written By: Deirdre Stokes Copyrighted ©️ 2024 By Deirdre Stokes

Poetry

Change its

mywords2228

Real and it’s coming at me full force

And I know I have to embrace it because I want it.

But resistance and fear are real, too, and they all want my attention.

I’m trying to stay afloat as I sail for my goals, and I’m trying to listen to the voice that says it’s time for you to stand up and stand out because you can’t afford to hide anymore.

For I’m needed, and even though some say to play it safe, that luxury was okay for the old me; the new me can’t stand it.

So here I am, trying to be on top, yet I feel like I’m standing behind a curtain, and they’re calling me on stage, but I can’t seem to come out.

But at the same time, I feel myself growing stronger with the need to go on that stage and say what I have to say from the heart.

But today isn’t that day, but maybe tomorrow or the next day. I know I will get up there soon enough.

Written By: Deirdre Stokes Copyrighted ©️ 2024 By Deirdre Stokes

confidence coaching tips/opinions

Theses last

mywords2228

Couple of days, I thought about and wrote about what made me gain my confidence and what made me want a new change in my life.

It had me thinking about journaling and how I use it to reflect and let go of thoughts, I may or may not share with anyone.

And when I journaled, it was short and sweet, and now it’s long, and sometimes I get it all out.

But what helped me the most is mood journaling, which has helped me work through emotions a lot better.

I tend to keep my emotions to myself because even though I trust certain people, I still have my guard up.

I’m a moody person sometimes, so knowing why and how I could have reacted next time or how I can keep track of my moods and emotions helps me keep track of what triggered me when and why.

I like journaling, even if I sometimes forget to do it all the time. It helps me keep motivated and aware because sometimes, when I’m tired or working, I may not be paying attention to how I felt the week before. After all, sleep doesn’t come easy for me.

Being under the weather this week has drained me so much that I don’t even know how little sleep I got other than I’m tired and feeling better.

But I know that I will be journaling how I felt this week and the past few days so that I know how I felt because it has been a while since I’ve been sick for a couple of days.

Also, my confidence to post and still be present on my blog has bothered me, but I realized I needed to take care of myself before writing here as I need to do my best to bring my all.

Written By: Deirdre Stokes Copyrighted ©️ 2024 By Deirdre Stokes

Poetry

I used

mywords2228
Photo by Hakob Kotolkian: https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-profile-view-of-a-young-female-in-a-corridor-with-a-light-in-the-background-10234471/

To live in the light

But you kept seeing how great I was

And so you used me until I became a shell of myself.

Now, the darkness is where I stand, even though there is still some light in me.

I can’t call on it for help anymore, for I saw the good in you, and what a fool I was.

Now, I barely have compassion or care for anything or anyone.

And now, when I see you, I don’t see a human but the devil himself, and I can’t help but feel nothing for you.

I blink at you and walk by you, and it’s like you don’t exist anymore.

I know you’re there, but my sense of cutting you off because toxic and liars have no place in my paradise.

And as I stand in the darkness and see the reflection of the light maybe one day I will go back but for now, I feel safe here in the dark where you seem to not notice or care for me.

And for the first time, I’m happy being left alone.

Written By: Deirdre Stokes Copyrighted ©️ 2024 By Deirdre Stokes

Poetry

The year of 2023

mywords2228

You showed up initially with so much hope to get things done. And I’m not going to lie; you were making some great moves and meeting deadlines, and the results were good, even with last-minute fixes.

You presented a great book.

But then you burned out, trying to do something new and uncomfortable and overwhelming that you were stuck and down for far too long.

And so you thought there was no hope or light at the end of the tunnel. And right when you were about to give up a familiar face showed you grace and offered you help and support, and like a new, energized Bunny, you were off to get things done, and wow, did you get them done.

And then you showed your wins, and another hand came out and helped you up to the next stage of your journey. You shot off like a rocket, and even in the rough turbines, you did your task and made your deadlines again.

Ultimately, the year was not all your vision, but success was there as you crossed the finish line in 2023.

Written By: Deirdre Stokes Copyrighted ©️ 2023 By Deirdre Stokes

Poetry

Nine days until

mywords2228
Photo by Brett Sayles from Pexels

It’s Christmas, and I’m excited and tired too

This season seems so long, and I know I will miss it when it’s gone.

But the presents are all under the tree, and I’m tired and ready to open them and see the cheer and joy on my family’s faces.

But frankly, I’m counting down the days until it’s over and this year ends.

Even though this year has had some incredible ups and so many real lows, I will miss it, but at the same time, I’m ready to wave goodbye.

But until then I will enjoy my Christmas movies and all the Christmas lights on all the houses and be excited and tired but filled with joy for I know this time of year can be a bag of mixed emotions.

Written By: Deirdre Stokes Copyrighted ©️ 2023 By Deirdre Stokes

Poetry

My mind

mywords2228

It is full of thoughts and words, but for who?

And how do I get them out even though the feeling fills me?

I want to spill my guts, but the words aren’t even forming a sentence; just that I need to get it out.

Or the happiness and uncertainty could swallow me whole, and I don’t know what to do it does?

I should wait for God to help me lay it out for that person.

And right now, I feel your arms around me as peace comes over me, and I get ready to relax for the night, for it has been a long day.

Written By: Deirdre Stokes Copyrighted ©️ 2023 By Deirdre Stokes

Poetry

Life

mywords2228

Can be light and so freeing

Like the breeze of air flowing into your life, like a lovely day in the fall, sometimes life can seem so dark, like the night.

You told me to keep quiet for who knows what’s lurking in the shadows.

But my voice is like a bird. Sometimes, it can’t be silent to protect those who play the victim card all the time out of fear of being turned in because they’re always looking for a way to blame others for the problems they don’t want to face.

To be silent again feels like being that little girl who had a voice but was too afraid to speak up for fear of others turning on her.

But I’m not that little girl anymore, and I won’t go back to the past where her voice didn’t matter.

For I know her voice matters and so does mine.

So, where do we go if we can’t say what needs to be told in this place anymore?

Written By: Deirdre Stokes Copyrighted ©️ 2023 By Deirdre Stokes

Poetry

Today I feel

mywords2228

Hopeful about all the possibilities I could complete today.

I will only focus on one thing then when that is complete.

I will move on to the next thing because when I list it all.

My head begins to spin, and all that can be done is untouched like an unwanted snack.

I don’t want to waste time, but I’ve learned if I don’t listen to my body.

Then my well-being is at risk, which I don’t want to put on the back burner to please someone else.

So whatever I get done today will have been all that needed to get done.

And if I wake up tomorrow, the rest can be divided up again until the list is no more.

Nothing is worth stressing over anymore, as when the weight is off my shoulder, the feeling of being free is what I long for.

So today, I am free to be and do what I want.

Written By: Deirdre Stokes Copyrighted ©️ 2023 By Deirdre Stokes

Poetry

Oh how

mywords2228

You play the game

So clever you must think it you are

But I see you so clear right now and your helping but at the same time setting me up.

And when will I learn not to let you get away with it?

I know I should say something, but you won’t listen now.

I’m tired of fighting the battle you manipulated since the beginning of time.

So I will let you play, and maybe I exit the game altogether.

Then you win but so do I and I think I will be happier.

And you will be lost as you loved playing these games as if I was so naive I couldn’t see what you were doing.

But I didn’t care what you thought as I knew who to trust, and I know it’s not you.

Written By: Deirdre Stokes Copyrighted ©️ 2023 By Deirdre Stokes