I say I want to overcome something in life and I know there are steps that are needed to be taken.
But, maybe I’m just not ready to overcome them yet for the big picture of what has to happen is just too scary.
I take one step forward and end up taking two steps forward for the fear is living inside me.
The fear is so strong that the thought of overcoming this one thing just takes a hold of me and holds on so strong it’s like I’m frozen in time and just can’t shake this feeling off of me right now.
here letting it all sink in and of course my mood keeps changing as my thoughts think about what I have to do today.
So much has to be done and right now I just don’t feel like I have the energy to do it but I can’t back out and not do it.
I have to be so much that sometimes my brain just doesn’t want to be so reliable and for once I just want to be like those people who flake and no one is relaying on them because they know they can’t count on them.
But, I don’t want to be someone no one wants to not give a chance to because they have not kept their word.
I want to stand out and be someone you can count on but at the same time have my limits.
I want to be able to say no and not feel guilty because I just need a break for once.
As the crowd waits for the band to come out and the show to start
the many ages of people talking among each other, trying to stay busy and entertained.
As the lights start to dim and the anticipation among the crowd begins to increase to the point where you can’t even think straight.
The music starts off soft until the beat starts to increase making everyone so excited as they wait to hear their favorite song come on.
The show is a hit and everyone is talking among their group of friends about how they are so lucky to be here tonight and witness something so great.
People still singing the songs as they walk and run to catch the last train of the night and get home and completely knock out.
The next day the feeling of such a great night still running through their veins and they start to watch all the videos they made and start to post them to share it with all their friends and family.
She was looking forward to a couple of days off when her mind didn’t have to over work it’s self for a little while.
The feeling she felt was so surreal as she waited for her turn for the last couple of days had been a challenge.
And now it was her time to shine and to finally show them all that she was worth through her words and she would not let anyone get in her way as the lights dimmed.
And, She walked out onto the stage with so much confidence and hope that it will all go well.
Then, as she finished when she thought no one would clap.
The noise overwhelmed her as so many stood up and clapped for her and even some stopped afterwards and asked her if she had a book of all her work for they wanted more.
They had felt like she had opened their eyes to something beautiful and they wanted to experience so much more than what they just heard.
Is long gone and all the things I used to think or care about are far gone like a dream
Once my eyes open up everything about that dream comes to me but soon as the day goes by the dream soon is erased from my mind.
I don’t want to forget everything that made me, who I am but my mind is fighting time and everything that is being thrown at me and it just isn’t enough for me to handle right now.
I try to stand so strong when all I want to do is falling to the ground and let all the weight of everything just bring me down.
And maybe I will get up when I have had time to gather my strength back.
But, the truth is I don’t let the weight of the stress bring me down even when I feel like I just can’t go on, some how I go on and even though I’m complete running on empty.
There is nothing I can do but keep moving on and doing my best even when I just feel like I can’t possibly give anymore right now.
My mind, my body all so weak at that moment that I just don’t know what would help to keep me moving forward because I’m burning off my calories than I have eaten and the energy I know I need to go on is nowhere to be found.
I can take a moment and say a prayer and move on and trust that it will work out and I do and the strength and sanity I need comes in full force and it’s like I’ve been zapped and nothing can bring me back down to my breaking point.
As the seasons begin to change and life seems to continue on as people start to bring out their coats.
And cold morning turn into cold afternoons to very cold nights
Soon all the leafs will start to fall of trees and people will continue to rake them up and put them in bags to be collected.
We seem to continue on in our life as problems pop up left and right and you’re stress levels raise day after day.
You want to continue to be happy in the life you live and sometimes you question the decisions you’ve made.
But, you continue on learning from your mistakes and others as well.
You don’t give up even when every bone in your body is screaming to just walk away and maybe just maybe you can get through this.
You come home completely exhausted with nothing left to give and your grateful for the time off, because you just can’t continue on with the low-level of energy running through you.
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photo by Dev Benjamin via Unsplash
You fold me up like a piece of paper
You crumble me up like something that wasn’t good enough.
You mark me up and you tear at every part of who I am
and then you fold me up and make me into a piece of art.
So that others can see my pain and my sorrow and, there is no place I can hide to shield myself from their eyes that judge me.
going places and life isn’t slowing down for you just to enjoy the little moments in life.
You blink and what felt like a minute really was an hour and soon your day is almost over and you just wanted to breathe and not be stressed out for a minute.
But, life is pulling you in so many directions that you don’t have time to relax let alone do what you need to do before it’s dark out.
You want to slow down but you have become more than what you were before and so many people now count on you more.
The little responsibilities you had before are now like a tower and every time you get it low it rises back up.
You want to be back in the moment when you didn’t have so much on your plate but the past is the past.
And now you have to try to make the things of the present work out for you or you will continue to stumble around.
Now is your time to claim what you were always meant to do and not let it go, no matter how stressful it gets don’t let those things break you.
You turn them around so they give you strength and it favors you in the end results.
She memorize the last text you sent her by heart before she deleted you from her phone
you chose the coward way out when it came to saying good-bye to her.
She moved on but seeing your face a couple of weeks later, the look on your face was pure fear as you didn’t know how she would react to seeing you again.
But, she held her head up high and smiled at her new guy next to her and walked right past you as if the last two years of dealing with you never existed at all.
She said a polite hi to your best friend before disappearing around the corner like a ghost from your past.
She had long forgotten the words that broke her heart and now remembered all the new moments she was making as she started dating other guys and she now knew what she was looking for.
And now knew the signs that would lead her down a path better not taken at all for the risk is not worth it in the end.
that he didn’t see the red flags that were flashing in front of his eyes.
Until it was too late and her enchanted beauty melted away and her beauty was nowhere to be found.
She was as nasty as her attitude and even though she was not ugly
the way she treated everyone made everyone see her as a nasty mean-spirited woman.
At first they couldn’t believe their eyes that she was with him and that he truly seemed to like her and thought she treated everyone with some respect.
But, when the spell that had him enchanted and gotten himself involved with.
It was like waking up from a nightmare and realizing it wasn’t just a dream but reality all along.
As my fingers pluck the right strings on my favorite guitar and I begin to play and sing for the crowd.
I know that I’m in the right place at the right time and this show is going to be another great night for me.
As I get into the show and I become even more worked up by the energy the crowd is giving me as they sing along to my songs.
I have flashbacks to the moments when the crowd was so small and most of my guest were family and friends and a couple of drunks dancing along in the background.
I know now with a crowd going all way around the corner and that way before the show starts, I just can’t imagine what it looks like when it gets closer to when the doors open.
But, I love what I do and I won’t trade it in for anything in the world.
seems like the only thing I can do as my life seems to be dying here.
Like grass with no hope of rain to come, I’m drying up and turning to a shade of lifelessness.
And before I go I wanted to know wherever I go I will finally have found the peace that I needed so bad.
Somethings are best left alone and forgotten when it’s nothing but toxic washing through something that used be so healthy.
The fight is strong as I navigate down these roads away from the things that have burned me so badly.
I don’t think I’ll ever look back and wonder about the things that could have been because my time is up and I’ve moved on to something else.
I know that this path I am on is leading me away from the things that used to trap be and have me wanting things I don’t really need.
I am not there anymore and maybe one day you will understand the choses I had to make just to make it out of this place alive and healthy.
Sometimes the light that guided me was doom because of my own doubts but, after last night I’m so ready to move on.
The car is packed to its limit and I’m two seconds away from jumping in and once I hit that said that says come back and visit again.
I will be able to truly breathe and no I won’t be coming back to visit for this ride is not short-term but long-term and even if I come back it won’t be to stay.
For the place I call home was never here to begin with.
you that you will be great if you just let go of your past and you lean on me for once
I will hold you through the storms that seem to be holding you back from living the life you were meant to live.
I’ve never been too far away when you are feeling so down that this world just doesn’t seem like it was meant for you.
I’m here to tell you that you belong and that you will accomplish the things no one thought you were capable to do.
You will more just a girl who became a woman and, the struggle that you have faced and continue to deal with will not compare to the greatest you will bring to this world.
That is not prepared for the words that will come out of your mouth.
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