the stars shined so bright and the light reflected so beautifully on the river that night.
I was so happy and so at peace and nothing could ruin my mood that night as I stared off into the sky with no worry in that moment.
The time away was something I needed and hope would clear my mind and it has and now only time will come to see if this change in me will stay a little longer.
the fish swim by as I stand here in the dark thinking about is my life-like this aquarium?
Do I keep going in circles with the things I need to let go.
Do I keep doing the same things even though I know the right thing to do is step away and do better.
Do I keep letting the same person get under my skin because I don’t want to say something or maybe I need to just ignore them completely because I don’t want to change my character because of their actions.
In this moment everything is quiet and everything is good and right with me and for that I am grateful.
a kid I liked to play outside, inside and my head was always in the clouds daydreaming.
There was no stress other than not being good at reading and well public speaking was something I wanted to avoid.
As I became a teenager there was lots of stress with homework and what not to do. To stay on the right track and still have fun.
And one day to be done with high school and go on to college, so many plans and so many of them changed overtime.
To becoming an adult and realizing so much time had gone by and now stress was like my best friend always around.
I’m still daydreaming but, my eyes are more open to things going on around me and my heart more protected than before.
So many stages in life to go through but, if I didn’t go through them would I truly be me right now.
Someone who cares but doesn’t sit around waiting for anyone to come to their senses.
I am still a kid at heart but, now I have so many responsibilities that I must be an adult to who does what I need to do and to not let anyone get in my way.
I know that you don’t want to me to know all that is going on
and at first I was fine with that but, how much longer do I have to wait.
Because the longer I wait the more I feel less in your life and more like an outsider looking in and only granted peeks here and there.
You feel I’m being to demanding and that your life is just too complicated and it’s best to not let me get too close.
I’m not the one you want to show your vulnerable side with and yet it breaks you if I try to walk away.
But, yet again I feel like I am invading your space and well maybe that would be true if it wasn’t you who let me in to begin with.
I will always love you but, this is not healthy or right for me to keep living this way that makes me feel like I’m putting apart of my life on hold for someone who will never pull me into a world that I deserve.
One with less hurt and pain and disappointment, one that feels like two people are working to make this right and now just one person trying to knock down everything you put up to keep them out.
I wonder what tomorrow will hold for me as the sun shines down on me.
I know that these days are not something I can plan and so I must have hope that I will make it to the next.
I must do what is best for me now and have hope that I will be able to continue doing great many more days.
Twenty-nine years and I feel there is so much more for me to do and I feel like in a way I am just beginning.
This moment feels like no going back to how I thought before and the feeling that is inside me is so strong that I don’t want it to disappear as my head hits the pillow tonight.
I want to keep climbing and not for selfish reasons but for more than I can understand right now.
I want to do it all and make it worth more than I am in the end for I am just a person and what I want to do will be more than remembering my name and those after me.
I am just a piece to the answer that some of you have being waiting for all this time.
my moment because of you and I don’t know what the plan I feel that is coming is.
But, I’m ready to give it all up and move forward for the life that feels like floating on air.
The life that feels like a nice breeze blowing through you air, the sun shinning down on you as you lean your head back.
The feeling when you’re so hot that when the first rain drop hits your forehead you just sigh with relief that the heat wave is over in this moment as you let the rain pour down on you.
The moment when the cold morning air is welcoming as you wake up as you walk out the door and welcome the winter in hopes spring will come soon.
You realize that the moment that you will overcome the struggle is near and you can feel it as you make big changes in your life.
You know that you are fully embracing all that you are and there is not a moment you want to forget of deny.
You are in your moment and the feeling is so amazing that words really can’t describe how good you feel as you are filled with so much love and confident that you could ever want or need.
For this is your moment and no one can take that a way from you and your mind will replay it over and over until you do better next time.
want the peace to wash over me right now as the stress takes over.
Wreaking everything around me and ripping me apart little by little each day and moment that it’s around.
I don’t want to feel as if I’m not at the top of my game but, at the same time I won’t allow myself to fall apart because of other people choices in life.
I won’t reflect on the things that you decide is not important to you because we were raised different and I feel bad when I drop the ball and let people down when there is little help to begin with.
I won’t stand by feeling sad for you when all the lies you have told catches up to you and I will not be the one handling you case either.
I will not be apart of any of it as you talk on with no responds from me and in the end I will know all my hard work paid off and what you have learned from this lesson will not be my concern.
I will not become hard because of the difficult moments I’ve faced because of others for I was and am strong enough to handle them for now.
I listen to my God who has always has my back and is not two-faced and trust I do not take for grated and one I trust with my life and will always have my back.
One day the peace I once felt will last more than two days but a lifetime and when that day comes I will truly smile and enjoy my life.
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