I know that you don’t want to me to know all that is going on
and at first I was fine with that but, how much longer do I have to wait.
Because the longer I wait the more I feel less in your life and more like an outsider looking in and only granted peeks here and there.
You feel I’m being to demanding and that your life is just too complicated and it’s best to not let me get too close.
I’m not the one you want to show your vulnerable side with and yet it breaks you if I try to walk away.
But, yet again I feel like I am invading your space and well maybe that would be true if it wasn’t you who let me in to begin with.
I will always love you but, this is not healthy or right for me to keep living this way that makes me feel like I’m putting apart of my life on hold for someone who will never pull me into a world that I deserve.
One with less hurt and pain and disappointment, one that feels like two people are working to make this right and now just one person trying to knock down everything you put up to keep them out.
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Captive by your words as I sit down and read a good book and completely zone out as I get sucked in to each page.
As the story unfolds right in front of my eyes I just can’t look away and when I get to the last couple of pages.
I just can’t put it down until I know what has happened and how it ended and then I can go to sleep and wake up and wait around for the next book in the series to come out.
And while I wait I fall into another book and read that one until my reading obsession is satisfied.
Like handcuffs once I am locked in to a new book that is so good it’s hard to let go and get out of a story so captivating it stays with months later.
I knew what I wanted and as I write this all down I just don’t know if I do anymore.
Something has shifted inside of me and everything that meant something just leads to nothing but an dead-end.
I keep moving forward for I have faith that it will all turn around and maybe everything won’t be so gray for long.
I keep going back to the things I wrote before this happened and I try almost every time I write to get back the passion I had before and sometimes I get lucky but, soon the feeling fades and the words stay inside me to come out one day.
I want to flee from writing this post for nothing is inspiring me to write right now.
Like the excitement of something new to write about just killed the creativity flowing through my mind and, so I stare at an empty screen for far too long.
Knowing nothing great was coming out of me this late but, you see I’ve been trying to write this piece all day to fit the way I wanted it to.
But, words don’t seem to connect to me like they did this weekend.
It’s like I’m missing the biggest piece to the puzzle but I can’t seem to find in .
So I flee from it all and hope I can write something great tomorrow.
in and I see you and it’s like being hit with a brick wall
these emotions of sadness wash over me like.
Someone close to me is gone and I can’t seem to figure out
what is going on and so I quickly disappear inside.
As I let myself fade into the background and this other side of me takes over
and I feel like I’m floating above myself, watching what is happening but I can’t stop anything.
The feeling doesn’t go away and I don’t seem to be able to slam back into myself again, will anyone notice I’m not me this bubble of light and giggles.
Even though the other side of me smiles it never reaching her eyes and, the laugh isn’t quite right for it’s not music to your ears.
The things about me that you look forward too doesn’t sound like they used to but you can’t quite put your finger on why I sound different.
But all I can do is hope you will realize in time and save me from this person who is like a shadow of who I am.
I am the light and without that light shining bright inside me or reaching out to you, things begin to not be the same and the once room full of joy is only half full.
Not enough to satisfy you or me or everyone else who cares and is tied to me and you, will time run out before we meet again.
For the darkness always needs a little light of hope in it, and that hope of light is me so what are you waiting for.
and my friend is no help for all she keeps saying is we
need to go south of here to get there by 4pm.
So we walk past a dog park and we go south and south
Until we end up out front of a bar, not the one we need to be at
but maybe if we go inside we will get some directions that actually
lead us to the destination.
But all the guy says is you take two lefts and you go south of the stop sign
in front of the Bridged Bookstore.
And I think okay and say thanks and here we go again, two lefts and well
there are like 4 stop signs and not one of them is right in front of a bookstore.
At this point I’m done and realize I don’t know how to get back to the car and thanks to you I left my phone in the car.
For your sense of directions are great and who needs a phone with a GPS on it for those things always end up being wrong.
Well I’d say your wrong my friend and now we might as well go look for a phone so we can find out where we need to be or at least be able to track my phone back to my car.
And call quits on this little adventure, that got us south of nowhere but lost.
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