Tag: truth

Poetry

Not giving

mywords2228
Advertisements

Photo by Jeremy Allouche on Unsplash

 

up even though I’m in my darkness moments and life just seems to suck. 

And all I want to do is scream and not care about the things I’m suppose to care about. 

I just want to live in my peace and calm bubble that protects me from the crap that falls on me. 

Its like I’m trapped in the middle of a storm that just doesn’t seem to be stopping anytime soon. 

I hope the sun will come out soon and I can finally get out of this place and smile as everything dries up from the storm and the birds come out again and sing a happy song as they fly from tree to tree. 

 

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

 

Copyright by Deirdre Stokes 

 

Poetry

Do I

mywords2228
Advertisements

belong here or should I run for the door and not deal with this anymore.

I want to run and not stay like I always do because I just need a break from the usual things I settle for.

I don’t think I can continue to be that girl you used to know because so much has happened that I don’t even know who that girl used to be.

I’m standing still and time is just passing me by and I just can’t seem to be able to break this spell that I’m stuck in.

There is no place I rather not be more than I don’t want to be here, I start to shut down just thinking about this place.

Has me going back inside my shell that protects me from all the stuff being thrown my way and at first I tried to juggle it all but, now its all falling apart.

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

 

Poetry

What a day

mywords2228
Advertisements

Photo By Miguel Bruna via Unsplash

 

Like this path I didn’t feel like this day would ever end.

My hope for some peace and quite was not going to happen at least not today and I felt like as the day went on that I was losing my mind and no matter how hard I try things were not going to end well for me.

I don’t know why I expect more when I know the no relief is going to come for me and as my happy voice fades and the voice of defeat set in.

I don’t know how or why I put myself through this everyday and every week when I feel like there is no recovery for me and my mind is losing it’s focus and  I can’t remember what happened yesterday anymore and even though my memory is still sharp for long-term things.

My short-term memory is falling apart like everything else around me and yes I want to care and deal with it all but, sometimes I just want to be left alone and not have to answer to this crap.

I’m praying and hoping that things will charge for how much longer do I have to stand here and fight a battle that just feels like it’s not mine to fight but I am doing all the heavy lifting because they are too lazy to help out.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

Poetry

As a little girl

mywords2228
Advertisements

Photo by Miguel Bruna on Unsplash

I always knew that I wasn’t  afraid of  what life had to offer me at a young age.

I knew that as long as I believed  I could do than it was possible and would come true and I would grow up being just who I knew I would be.

But, then came teenage years and then young adult years and then adult hood and I knew that everything I thought I would be would be not likely.

But, still possible but doubt from all the nasty words that were thrown at me at a young age made me question everything.

And even now as I sit here wondering what to do next and hope that maybe it will still work out in the end.

Kind of feels like I’m wasting my time on words and hope that may not happen because well I just don’t have the time.

For I work to pay the bills not to live out my passion and even though I work hard lately I realize it’s not worth it.

So many reasons that even if you get what you want the demons in your life can rob you of that happiness.

I know what makes me happy and I know that even though I’m helping at the end of the day I feel used and abused and the happy moments don’t out weigh the nasty/ugly moments.

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

Poetry

I was

mywords2228
Advertisements

told to give up on my pipe dreams and just live the life I have now.

That it didn’t matter that I was miserable because at least I had a job and money and that should be enough for me.

But, the truth is I could care less about the money because my body is overworked.

And my soul dies a little more each time I think of work or at work.

I sit here staring at nothing because I’m too tired to move and the things that I used to enjoy now  I don’t have time to care about.

I could reach out and talk to you but, I just  want quiet and soon I am all alone.

And that doesn’t bother me anymore for it’s the only time I truly feel peace and comfort.

I know I’m missing out on so much but I don’t have the fight left in me to fight to be apart of those things anymore.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

 

 

 

 

Poetry

Unhappy

mywords2228
Advertisements

moments keep flooding me like unwanted calls from spammers.

I keep trying to do my best what when do I decide enough is enough.

When does my happiness outweigh my loyalty

I want to break free so bad that everyday its harder to get up and do what I don’t want to do.

I want to fight back and just stay enough is enough and I don’t feel bad if you struggle because I’ve already did all the work.

No excuses will come from me and the truth is I’m done caring and I’m done protecting you when you don’t protect me in the end.

It’s a one sided lie and I’m tired of living this way and I know you won’t understand because your cold hearted and I’ve seen your true colors and I’m done so goodbye and yes I won’t miss you at all.

You will wiped clean from my memories like a virus and I will truly smile and get through my day without wondering why your still here in the first place.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

Poetry

I know

mywords2228
Advertisements

lately things have not seem fair and maybe that’s why you’re so mad for you need more and now life is more of a struggle for you.

You want to help out but what are you really offering right now that would have you being someone we would truly stop and say wow they do so much and deserve so much more.

You want to feel sorry but you realize right now they already laid in the bed they have built for themselves.

For somewhere in their mind they have done so much and now they realize they have not done anything that could make them more noticeable but, yet they expect more to change for them.

You keep your mouth shut because you kind of know why things are not working out and you don’t eve n want to say anything because at the end of the day it is not your responsibilities to worry about what someone else may or may not end up getting.

For if you fight so much for others, who will fight for you in the end.

Because, once you miss that door it may be the last time you get such an amazing offer thrown your way.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

Poetry

Daily Prompt: Rapid

mywords2228
Advertisements

The things in my life were changing faster than I could get things together.

Everything that I had dreamed of seem to be fading way each time I blinked an eye

the answers that I had been looking for were nowhere to be found.

I had hope things will be going towards less stressful days and yet somehow I was not looking forward to the things that were leading up to the life that I was living right now.

I had chosen this path thinking it was better than the one that I was on and, yes I wouldn’t go back to the one before but I so badly want to get off of this one.

I have to find a way out of this maze that is my life and cut back on all the darkness that is flooding into my life.

I barely see the good in people anymore for I see so much ugly and no care in the world.

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

Daily Prompt: Rapid

Poetry

Daily Prompt: Partake

mywords2228
Advertisements

You watched them get married and you partook in feeling the joy they had that day.

You lived through life partaking in a lot of joy and pain and you choose to get through it all because, in the end, it helped you.

Become the person you are today which is awesome, caring, loving, kind and so much more than you ever thought you could become.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

Daily Prompt: Partake

Poetry

I’m not

mywords2228
Advertisements

sure I can keep doing this as my head feels like it’s about it’s about to explore.

I didn’t work this hard for you to push me so hard that I’m completely falling apart.

I want to tell you off so many times but here I am just shaking my head because this is beneath ridiculous at this point.

No time to think just more stuff piled on me in hope that it will get better.

The quest seems to fall short and I just don’t know what to do now for this could have been someone’s else path but here I am living out what feels like a nightmare wide awake.

With no hope of it ending on a good note for the good things seem to pass me by at this point in my life.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

Poetry

I don’t

mywords2228
Advertisements

how to feel right now for I have so many emotions running through me.

I am happy but yet I am sad and tired and feeling lost but with a somewhat focus on moving forward.

I want to admit so many things but, I’ve always been the one to keep it to myself and I start to wonder who truly knows me.

I’m sometimes open up about the things that go on in my life but, other times I keep it all to myself.

I wonder if I’m helping myself or hurting my chances at really seeing this world for what it truly is.

I know I’m trapped in a box that well always seems to be going in the same circle that only seems to drain me.

Nothing seems to bring much joy to me when I’m in that box because returning to it is not something I look forward too.

I can feel my smile slipping off my face as I walk through that place, I try to be positive and hopeful but, that pretending just isn’t happening anymore.

I don’t know when I will finally let it all out but sometimes it’s right there on my tongue and I just want to scream it.

And frankly, I don’t care how I look to the people on the outside for I’m done caring and well it feels freeing to know that this is not the end for me.

In time my plan will come to be and the scream will feel so right and strong for damn I will wonder why I waited so long.

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

Poetry

I just

mywords2228
Advertisements

want to let go of all the frustration go because I’m tired of being mad and unsatisfied by the things that this life has been throwing my way.

I don’t want to be bothered with and so I start to distance myself for I just want to survive but, I don’t want to be involved anymore.

I’m here in this place with you but, I’m not going to keep giving myself because well I’m done and I don’t care anymore.

I know that now I just see what this really is now and I won’t sink anymore for I’m not about to save them all when in the end I’m just losing myself.

No one wants or needs to be saved at this time and even if I try which I have, it just comes back around as a failed attempt.

I’m done jumping through the many hops to only not please myself but no one else either.

I have learned that giving too much just ends up with you begging for some help when all your lifeboats are gone and there is no one around to save you.

Because they didn’t care in the first place to make sure you had a way out, you were dispensable and they had no desire to keep you around.

You were used up and washed out and well now you didn’t look like someone they needed to depend on, for there is always someone better just waiting for you to drop the ball.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

Poetry

Looking through the looking hole

mywords2228
Advertisements

100 Word Wednesday: Week 65

Photo by Bikurgurl

I wish it was you I was seeing on the other side of this hole that used to be filled with lots or love and laughter. 

Now it just so empty with broken promises that never seem to be happening for me, I just to hope that something will come of this situation. 

Will this hole ever become whole again and will my smiles ever reach my eyes again, or will I be so hallow and empty until the end of my time.

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

Looking through the looking hole!

Poetry

Hopeful

mywords2228
Advertisements

that these stressful moments are just temporary for my mind cannot think straight and when the happens everything begins to fall apart.

The circus around me does not crease and the people demanding that the show does go on is not the ones that are trying to keep afloat in the end.

No one seems to want to care or they just don’t have the patience to wait but the truth is I don’t care anymore and I have given up on things changing.

I have to change in order for this to be clearer through their eyes, not mine, for I’m not the problem and maybe sometimes it’s not them either.

But, there are so many people involved with the whole thing that there is not just one finger to point out when it all comes down to the end.

Maybe things will get better but, I just don’t see that happen with me being around and so I’m removing myself from the equation that is always negative.

The positive solution is walking away and giving up on something that is already dead and there is no beating life back into it.

Hopeful to get away and not look back is something I look forward to one day or week or month but in the end, I will not look back and soon all the trouble will be forgotten.

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes

Poetry

Am I

mywords2228
Advertisements

Your friend or

Your enemy

Most days feels like someone is always mad and taking it out on me.

You want respect than you have to earn it but, in customer service, you have to give it regardless if they deserve it.

For I am no bigger and smaller than you on the scale of mankind, for we are all working towards something at the end of the day.

So let me treat you how I want to be treated and when you throw your nastiness at me I will ignore it and move on to the customer is always right.

For there is not a moment when I can show you that you are wrong without getting myself in trouble.

So will I be your kind hard-working person or will I be the enemy that you are tiring so hard to destroy?

Will you see it as an accomplishment when you are done with me or will you regret how nasty you were?

Will you cry or feel defeated about the matter when you are at home in a comfortable chair enjoying the rest of your night with your feet up and not a care in the world.

Maybe you will but, I know the minute you walk out that door I am not even a thought you care to think about and in the end, I don’t matter.

So if I am an enemy you won’t remember but, if I am kind to you and help you out that’s when you remember me.

 

 

Written By: Deirdre Stokes