Emotions
flooding through my head
do I let them out into the world
where they could help or do more harm?
Emotions what will I do with you today, tomorrow?
An question I may not ever have the answer to.
Written By: Deirdre Stokes
I have to let you go, this is not fair to you.
You put so much into this Friendship.
It feels so wrong to end it as you sail away, with tears quickly washing down your face.
As the boat pulls away leaving me all alone and I can no longer see you, and the sadness I gave you.
Written By: Deirdre Stokes
The day you threw everything at me with your words, and it was like someone hitting me over and over with rotten tomatoes.
There wasn’t a good outcome to this situation.
As I tried to run they begun to hit me harder and I stumbled a couple of times trying to get my footing.
Then I feel nothing as I got too far away for your tomatoes to hit or hurt me and I am free.
I finally can smile and lift my arms to the air as I feel the pain slide away like the mess of the tomatoes from my clothes.
And I know this time I won’t let that happen again for I’m stronger now.
My words will block out yours, and if that fails I will just put on my headphones and walk away.
Written By: Deirdre Stokes
Is that so hard to ask
Can’t you see the sadness in my eyes
as I stand in front of you, do I need to wave for you to help me.
For some reason you walk right by me and I feel the pain hit me all over again.
I’m just a ghost now and still you show no emotions towards me.
I just wish it didn’t have to come to this but I can’t go back
I’m not like a movie you can’t rewind and go back and stop it before it happens
I’m gone and all I wanted was your time.
Written By: Deirdre Stokes
What am I holding on to
As it all goes up in flames
What do I have to hide as it all out there to be seen.
You used to be my past and now what is my present
as I sit here in the ashes of what I used to be.
Written By: Deirdre Stokes
What to let out because it’s suffocating me if I don’t get a release soon.
Things seem so different on this side of things.
so much sadness that is so well hidden comes flooding out today.
what is there to say as she looks out the window wishing things were different.
She hides it all so well that the positivity radiating off her would makes you think she genuinely happy.
But behind closed doors she cries to herself and no one will ever know unless she lets you in.
And she won’t because that leads to disappointment and false hope that things will get better for her.
No one realizes how much of her is left and over time she will be gone and there won’t be anyone holding on to the memories of her.
She will just be gone like yesterday, the joys, the laugher, the smile, the affection and the meaning of how much she gave will not ever be known.
Written By: Deirdre Stokes
The force of it sent me flying.
I couldn’t feel the pain because I couldn’t believe my eyes.
The ringing of my ears and beating of my heart didn’t help quite my thoughts.
Was this it, the moment that would break everything I’ve built.
I couldn’t stop being concerned about how you were even though I was the one in pain.
I struggled to get up, for this couldn’t be real.
My heart is not laying there on the ground, ripped out by the chain that connected it to yours.
For the last time our hearts beat as one as my body slumps to the floor and our time together is cut short.
You look down and a tear falls as you turn your back on me.
It takes some time but my heart starts to repair and as it crawls back to me.
I take my first breath without you and I stumble as I get up again and I cry for you.
And days go by and soon I’m strong enough to go on without you.
My heart beats a new song and as it pulses through me to reach out to the next person.
Who may break my heart or may hold onto it for a life time.
Written By:Deirdre Stokes
Today I walk on the unknown path
And there I met you and I asked you to stay.
Soon we were walking the unknown path together and you had my back and I had yours.
Together we got through the tough times.
But, then the tough times began to drag me away and you tried with all your might to get me back.
Those unknown moments were strong and fast and with a blink of an eye I was gone.
Lost from you forever and as time went by you never lost hope.
You knew I’d be back and this time you wouldn’t let me go.
No matter what happens when you save me.
You know together we can conquer it all and so you fight my darkness and you save me.
Because of you I not only found myself but I saw you for who you truly were.
My guardian angel, my light and you have always been by my side.
I just was too blind to see, I was never alone and I needed to trust you.
So I could be saved again and this time not let go when I begin to feel the pull of my darkness.
Written By:Deirdre Stokes
I don’t know what comes over me but these feelings just start to grow inside of me.
Until I can’t bare to keep them inside anymore.
And so I vomit them out into an ugly mess.
It’s not a pretty sight, but once it’s out there is no going back.
I sit here wonder why I do this to myself or why I do this to others.
My words so naïve and innocent just trying to be expressed like there the victim in the end.
No clear evidence that my words would lead to anything but a mess that would be cleaned up.
But not before you hate me and become so disgusting, I’m blocked for life.
Your mind soon forgets me for the sake of your happiness.
Written By:Deirdre Stokes
You can’t tell me things don’t feel different now.
There’s an hollow feeling inside of me now.
I wish I could shake it off like a bad dream.
But it sticks to me like glue and as I try to cut it loose.
My body starts to sink like quicksand and the harder I try the faster I sink.
Until I can’t feel anything, I’m numb to the world.
I can’t signal for help for I’m paralyzed on this spot.
Laying down on my bed, blankets wrapped around me.
Trying to hide from it all.
Written By:Deirdre Stokes
I don’t want to say it, for then it would become real
But I can’t stop thinking about it
It’s carved into my mind
And as my head begins to ache
I really want to say it but my mouth and mind are disconnected
I don’t feel the same as yesterday and maybe it went away
like the rain of yesterdays storm.
Waiting until something else happens for it to run through my body
and just spilling out my mouth like a person without filters.
Written By: Deirdre Stokes
I’m stuck and I cannot move.
It’s hard for me to even write it’s like all the words that flowed through me yesterday are all gone.
I’m dried up like a well out in the middle of nowhere.
There is nothing left of me as the wind blows away the dust I have become.
You may see me blow by when the wind blows your way.
Reach out grab an handful please for I need some help to get back to where I was yesterday.
Written By:Deirdre Stokes
I wish the past memories didn’t affect me as much as it does.
To look back on how a friendship used to be and how I wish it could be like that.
But we’re all grown up now and our daily life isn’t as easy as it used to be.
How I wish I hadn’t wished to be older for I thought is was cool.
Well the reality of it is that growing up isn’t all that different than when you were young.
I still daydream about things I don’t have.
I still dream about becoming more than what I am now.
I still try to help others just as much as before.
Maybe along the way I realized somethings didn’t work for me so I left.
And the truth is I don’t feel bad about walking away from certain things and people.
Life for me is different everyday for it could be a good day or a really down day.
But I still get up and do my best to keep trying at the things that matter to me.
I’ll put on some music and grab a book and get lost and soon the world is not too much to handle.
And those hopes and dreams are worth fighting for and I realize that the past memories are not so bad to think of and that growing up year after year is a good thing.
For every year I get to change and learn something new about myself and friendships become stronger because of the times spend together.
And being there for each other as the trials of life wrap around us either as a blanket of comfort or tear through us like a tornado ripping everything we built apart.
When you let others in the past is just the past and the present becomes what’s important and that the future holds something for us, if we make it there.
Written By: Deirdre Stokes
I open my eyes and just like that
the anger comes firing out of my mouth like a dragon.
And I burn everyone in my path as my anger yells all over the house.
This isn’t how I planned on waking up on this lazy Saturday morning.
Written By: Deirdre Stokes
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